Message from a step mother

Because sometimes it's hard being a stepmom. We don't always know our place when we integrate into a new family. Sometimes, even with the best partner in the world, it's the child's mother who nags and makes life as a couple difficult. Our stories are different, but the results are often the same. A few years ago, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to put my feelings in a big Facebook post. Said post in question, despite the settings being set so that only my friends could see it, found its way to the acquaintances of said mother. Imagine that I had negative repercussions. Today, I share it with you, because I know that I am not alone. Don't let anyone make you believe that you are not doing things right.

Message from a mother

It has been mentioned several times that I am a bad person, that I am a bad influence on your daughter and that I should not be around because of my job that I do not bring home. It seems that my job influences who I am as a person and my abilities to act in a family context. Let me tell you how bad a person I am.

I am such a bad person that I invited this child I did not know to live with me. I made a room for her because they were threatening to take her father away because her place was too small. Everyone knows that I do not sleep at night even when I try. I comforted this child who cried many times because she missed her mother, because she was apparently not home often. In response, we were harassed until the middle of the night to bring up my poor reputation that I earned by talking to the wrong person in kindergarten.

I am such a bad person that I worked like crazy to pay for things that were not my business, including lawyers' fees. I wanted to make sure this child had the chance to be raised by both parents. I moved to the suburbs without a driver's license even though I had built a life in the city, to make sure this child lived with both parents despite the school variable. In response, I was told I was unstable.

I am such a bad influence on your child that I told her to finish her plate at night to make sure she doesn't say she's full just to get dessert instead. I taught her how to hold a fork properly. I told her to eat with her mouth closed and to eat off her plate. I correct her when she is rude, I buy her new clothes when summer and school start again. I help her with her homework and encourage her to do her homework. I read her bedtime stories, I encouraged her to read them herself when she could. When Daddy puts her to bed, I send Daddy off to relax and I make her lunches, if I have to go to work I indicate what I bought for her meals. I do the grocery shopping, I buy him books, I teach him how to cook, how to fold his laundry, I make him clean his room regularly, I take him to educational family activities. In exchange, I am told that I am a bad influence.

Each protein and vegetable-fruit is carefully counted according to its age and growth rate. I used my university books on child development to get an idea of its developmental stages. I wanted to adapt my attitude accordingly, because I had no experience other than theoretical with little ones. In exchange I was entitled to a million questions and accusations of not feeding your child well.

I am such a bad person that I took a child I didn't know and helped raise her. I gave her a mother's love, knowing that love would never be returned, because that child already has a mother and that mother is you. When she comes to my house, every other week, there is a polite child who never lacks love, guidance and support. Because in my house, she is in an environment similar to the one I had when I was a kid, and 5 years later, I am still being questioned.

Working in bars doesn't change a person's ability to care for a child any more than a night shift worker in any other field does. There are "stable" people who look good with 9 to 5 jobs who have no idea what's going on. There are also lawyers who work 80 hour weeks and have their children raised by nannies or their parents instead of them. But those parents?..Not us. Sorry if my taking care of my family so well offended you in any way. Sorry for using my energy and resources to make sure your child grows up well and spends time with both parents.

Sorry for taking care of your ex-husband and doing everything I can to be a good wife and show him that love forever still exists. Sorry for being such a disturbing influence in your family's life.